If You Love Me Let Me Go
by Ricky'sLittleHorror
Summary: Brendon is 16 and is in a relationship with 27 year old Spencer. Brendon loves Spencer to death, and Spencer loves drugs to death.


**Brendon's POV**

I stared at the clock, not listening to my teacher. He'd been banging on about some Theory of Relativity or something for the past hour. Just half an hour more until Spencer came to pick me up. Our relationship was hard. People didn't see a relationship between a twenty-something year old and a sixteen year old as right. Sorry to destroy expectations. I rarely saw Spencer if I was honest. He was in a band called The Brobecks and he was touring a lot. However today was different. They were going on tour today and I broke up today. Spen was taking me along with the band, despite my parents' protests. I was leaving a whole hour early so my parents couldn't stop us. I leant back in my chair and started to tap my pencil against my notebook. I looked around as the door opened. The head teacher, a police officer and Dallon (Spencer's singer and bassist) was stood in the doorway. Dallon refused to meet my eyes and a feeling of dread set in my stomach. I listened to my head teacher call my name and I slowly packed my stuff and followed them to the office.

-

"Spencer is in hospital for an overdose."  
I burst into tears and buried my face in my hands. I'd told him to stop. Dallon wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder.  
"It's OK Brendon, he's stable. Come on I'll take you to go see him."  
I shakily got up, barely able to support myself. Dallon pulled my faded KISS bag onto his shoulder and wrapped his arm around my hips. I leant into him gratefully. It took us about ten minutes to make the two minute walk. I couldn't function. My baby was in hospital. I fell to my knees and screamed, punching the ground. Arms slipped around me and I fisted my hands in Dallon's shirt. He picked me up and carried me to the car, laying me in the back. I curled up tightly and sobbed the whole way there.

-

I ran into Spencer's room. His head turned and he smiled weakly.  
"Brenny!"  
He opened his arms and I near enough jumped into his warm embrace. I hit his chest and sobbed into him.  
"I-I thought I-I'd lost y-you."  
His large hand slid up and down my spine. I slowly stopped crying.  
"You need to stop the drugs, Spenny. I nearly lost you."  
My knuckles were white as I gripped his shirt. He kissed my forehead.  
"I promise I will."  
Dallon walked in and sat down.  
"Brendon.. Spencer was thinking about going to rehab."  
I looked from Dallon to Spencer, thinking it over. I wouldn't be able to see him but he'd get the help he needed. The help he deserved. I nodded slowly. Spencer kissed my cheek.  
"It'd be after this tour. Which is still happening and you are still coming along my love."  
I blushed and lay down, still in Spencer's arms. I slowly drifted off.

-

I screamed as Spencer flat lined. Dallon was holding me tightly against his chest and I couldn't pull away from him. My voice was so high pitched. I couldn't breathe. My chest was tight and my eyes were pouring tears. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't lose the only man I had ever loved. I struggled more against Dallon. The doctors suddenly moved away, shaking their heads. I screamed as the sheet was pulled up over his beautiful face.

-

I screamed and shot upright, sobbing. Spencer woke immediately.  
"Brenny?"  
I sobbed into his chest.  
"Y-You died and I-I…"  
"Shhh baby I'm here."  
I curled up in his arms, crying into the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back.  
"I'm here Brenny. It was just a nightmare."  
I caught my breath and whimpered a little bit. My tears slowly stopped and I looked up at him.  
"D-Don't ever leave me."  
He nodded.  
"I swear, Brenny."  
I curled back up in his arms and fell asleep.

-

I woke up and sat up, checking Spencer was alive. I smiled before cuddling back up to him. His breathing became quicker and I watched his eyes flicker open. I smiled and turned his head to kiss him.  
"Good morning, beautiful."  
"I'm sure that's my line."  
He winked and I giggled. Our lips met again and I slipped my arms around him. He rolled us over so he was leaning over me. My arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist. Spencer's own hand slid down to slowly undo my belt.

-

Spencer collapsed next to me, covering his eyes.  
"Fuck Bren."  
I giggled and slipped an arm over his chest, laying my head on his chest.  
"That, my love, was amazing."  
I looked up at him and my breath caught in my throat. He was flashing me that smile; the smile only I saw. My breath came out in shuddering gasps as I threw myself at him; re-energized and ready for a second round. Just as I was about to lower myself onto his hardening length, the door clicked open. Spencer pulled me to his side and adjusted his gown, pulling the duvet over me. I whimpered and hid my face in his side as a doctor came in. I sat listening to what they were saying. His liver was packed up. Even an aspirin could kill him. I whimpered into his side and he reached down, his large hand rubbing my spine. He couldn't drink either. I made a mental note to pass it on to Dallon and the rest of the band. My vision became cloudy as I yawned and fell asleep pressed against Spen.

-

I woke up in a bunk and sat up sharply, smacking my head on the top of the bunk. I whimpered and held my head. The curtain was yanked open and Spencer sat on the edge of the bed.  
"Hey there baby."  
I smiled and slipped my arms around him, kissing him softly.  
"What time is it?"  
"Nearly five. We've rehearsed. I was coming to wake you up for the show, my little sleepy head."  
I giggled and pushed away from him.  
"Dallon got you an outfit for tonight by the way."  
I looked over eagerly.  
"I wanna see it."  
He nodded and walked out the room. I kicked my legs as I waited, humming Better Than Me. Spencer came back and I looked up to see a suit. Gold and sparkling. My breath caught.  
"I love it, oh my God."  
He grinned.  
"Let's get you dressed."

-

I stood by the side of the stage, my eyes on Spencer, the grin on my face bigger than anything. I'd loved The Brobecks and met them by chance when I skipped school one day. Spencer had taken me aside and asked for my number. I'd given it to him the moment I got caught in those dark brown eyes. I smiled and watched him. He'd give up anything to be a drummer. His history intrigued me. He'd tried to create a band before with an old friend but it hadn't gone well. The friend had died from a suicide attempt. He was still touchy about it now. It had been 7 years.  
I shook my head and snapped out of my day dream when Dallon called my name.  
"Spencer's little uh boy toy has offered to play guitar for a few of our songs tonight. Brendon get your ass out here."  
I ran out and winked at Spencer.

-

I sat in the dressing room in Dallon's lap. Jon dropped into an armchair.  
"So how was your first taste at stardom?"  
"It was amazing!"  
I squealed and laughed before frowning, noticing the empty seat.  
"Hey where did Spen go?"  
"He said he was gonna lay down for a bit. He didn't feel too great."  
I nodded.  
"I'm gonna go turn in as well."  
They bid me goodnight and I headed to the bus.

-

I changed into a onesie and clambered into Spencer's bunk, curling up next to him. I was waiting for him to wrap an arm around me and frowned when it didn't come. I poked him.  
"Spenny."  
He didn't respond. I frowned and sat up, shaking him harder.  
"Spencer."  
Fear struck me and I slapped him. I froze seeing a needle stuck in his arm. I stared at it before screaming. I heard people scurrying and the bunk curtain got ripped open.  
"Brend- Oh my God. JON CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW!"  
I curled up in the corner, watching Dallon start CPR.  
"Spencer James Smith don't you fucking dare leave us."

-

I rocked in Dallon's arms, unable to breath, still panicking.  
"H-He-"  
"Calm down Brendon. It's OK."  
I sobbed into his shoulder. This shouldn't be happening. I couldn't comprehend it. Spencer's name got called out over the tannoy and I walked to a doctor with Dallon. He lead us into an office and I started panicking more. Why where we being brought to an office? Why was I not being lead to my boyfriend's warm embrace?  
"We're so sorry. We did everything we could."  
The words floated over me. I shook my head.  
"Where is he?"  
Dallon took my hand. His face was contorted.  
"If you want to say goodbye-"  
"Why would I say goodbye to my boyfriend?"  
"Bren.. He's gone."  
It hit me. No more cuddles in the morning. No more kisses to piss off my parents. No more bear hugs when I'm sobbing. No more Spencer. I fell to my knees and held my upper body just staring at the floor. Dallon helped me up and took me to see him.

-

I held his hand and sobbed into his shoulder.  
"W-Why? WHY YOU STUPID IDIOT?"  
My fist pounded against his chest and I sobbed harder.  
"You swore you would never leave me. YOU FUCKING PROMISED."  
Dallon rubbed my back and I pushed him away, curling up next to Spencer.  
"I loved you and you left me. You swore you would never leave me."  
I started hitting him, unable to figure out whether I was more angry at him or myself for letting him be alone when I knew he was having a hard time.

-

Half an hour passed and I was just staring at his limp body. Dallon picked me up and lead me away. As he shut the door, I swore I heard Spencer's voice.  
"If you love me let me go..."


End file.
